Mosaic Novelties

The beginnings of my new FF story. Would you mind reading and critiquing? Warning: Lengthy!?

July 7, 2010

I’m a 15 year old young amateur writer who wants to improve, if not learn how to write well. I need help working on my descriptions and details since that’s my weakest point. Would you mind reading this, and telling me what you thought of this story? This is my first semi-unedited draft (I spell checked), and my very first try at fantasy.
—

My life has always been boring, and since as far back as I can remember, I wanted to make it an adventure. I didn’t want to experience the ordinary, I wanted to experience the extraordinary! I wanted to take risks, play with fire, and test my limits! I wanted to know all cultures and be a part of them too! I wanted to grab my future like I would a chocolate brownie, and slam it right into my face to face it head on!

…. er, yeah… my plans didn’t really go exactly as I planned, which is probably the reason to why my wrists are chained together by handcuffs, and my right leg shackled to the leg of a chair. Not to mention the fact that I’m bruised nearly everywhere and my shin has a cut the size of my English teacher’s "arse". Did I mention the fact that the moron sitting on this God-forsaken chair is the "effing" king of the "effing" Unseelie Court?

He looks like an "effing" fox, except with freakishly pale/white, with creaseless, wrinkle-free skin. His eyes are small and and squinty too, just like a damn fox, except they’re an electric violet. I wish I had a gun.

"Cheer up Anushri," he says. Those disgusting violet eyes light up when his long, bluish-purple, spider-like fingers reach out to touch my arm gently. "You should be honored that you’re spending such quality time with Unseelie Court royalty."

"I’m chained to a chair like an "effing" dog."

"Now, now," he says in that patronizing tone he fancies so much. "You humans are entirely churlish creatures."

I want to hit him. I want to take hold of the evil omniscient being that was once harvested within me for years upon years, and let it spread throughout my body, infesting my mind with those angry, hateful thoughts so that I don’t feel any sort of guilt when I make him beg at the mercy of my hands. I want to see some semblance of fear etch across his face, watch as his patronizing and wickef eyes become stricken, fearful, and regretful. I want to feel his body tremble, his fingers clawing at my hands as he tries to rip them away from his throat. I want to hear that deep, patronizing voice slowly melt into a sorrowful one.

I knew that something wrong was growing deep inside of me; something that could take over my body if I hesitated to control it, something that could completely doom me to a horrible fate but also bring me up from the deepest valley of despair, something that could make me feared but admired. But over all, it was something evil, horrible, terrifying, and, quite frankly, ugly. It was something that I had come to realize very early in childhood, that was invested within my soul. This different demon, this…. thing…. that took up residence in my heart and brain was my other half. That, if not controlled, it could be the sure demise of everything I had worked so hard to earn.

And this demon was. It fulfilled everything I thought it would do.

A tiny, grungy looking creature, adorned in a soiled and ripped tunic hobbles over to the king. He bows, kneeling down to the floor and touching the mosaic tile with his pointer and middle finger, and then bringing them up to his lips. He does not look at the king when he says, "The feast is ready, ma-lord," in his raspy voice, a voice that I can sense a twang of anger, grief and hopelessness mixed in. I wonder how such a tone could ever exist.

The king turns to me, his fox-face smirking up at mine. "Come love," he says, "Join me for dinner."

As if I could turn down the invitation.
OHHH! I see what you mean! Okay, I’m going to fix that on my draft. Thank you.
Lose the profanity? Gotcha. But I can’t help it, since my character is sort of a bad-butt.

Other Related Mosaic Sites

• Chocolate Brownies
• My Gold Mask – Violet Eyes — Pop Librarian
• Dark chocolate brownies a low-fat treat | Palm Beach Entertainment: Events, movies, restaurants, nightlife & more | pbpulse.com

Posted in Mosaic Floor Tiles